crackin eggs

sometimes i feel like im cracking under pressure and i wanna scream...
a stupid is as a stupid does....
the big decisions that she makes always end up kicking our ass at some point.... im not by any means saying that i dont make mistakes but effffffffff she met someone the other day that made her an offer she simply couldnt resist and it was supposed to bring more cash into the house and it completely went wrong.... shes been trying to get the last of our money back from him and he keeps making bullshit excuses. she gave him our last 85bucks then we went out that night and look @ us now....id like to go swimming but dont have a suit and cant go buy one! she asked what i was making for dinner and well we have frozen pizza or chicken patties.... but i cant even eat right now my head just spinnin.
a relationship is a lot of work...... theres up and downs, good, bad....etc.....
we arent even speaking like we normally do....she feels like im talkin stupid or acting dumb or being annoying and shes mega cranky..... sometimes i dont even speak and get my head bit off....i do it too sometimes, i know....like i said i am not the poster child for perfection. when can a girl get a break?
she told me yesterday that shes not feelin me..... so im givin her space, trying to stay out of her way and keep my distance so that she will realize all that i do for her maybe then shed appreciate things a bit more but instead its"geez do we have dinner around here anymore?" and then she realized i was laying down on the brink of nap and she comes in and says babe u wanna go get a swim suit isaid yeah but i cant....it costs about 30bucks and we dont have that.... and isaid as far as dinner goes idk.... she walked out the room and told me to sleep.... then she text me to ask when she should take the dog out i said he peed about 3 so she smoked a cig and then took the dog out....i text her and  said "im cracking....im tryn real hard to keep smilin buts rough right now"..........that was 45 minutes ago and i never got a response....she now left im assuming to see if she can track down the guy with our money.......
it feels so one sided sometimes....i wish there was a fly on the wall that could hear and see everything to give me some clarity..... to put things into perspective. i wish i could feel the love right now.
she is the one for me.....i truly believe that and it warms my heart but sometimes i feel taken foregranted.....
theres nothing like walkin on egg shells everyday of your life.....ive been down this road before..... :(  i keep the faith and move forward and focus on happy things.