the small stuff

so much happening lately my mind is a buzz..... first one of my dearest friends vanishes bc of a crime he committed and now hes a man on the run, im worried about him but his phone is off and he hasnt left any kind of trail, i cant even reach him by facebook, i just wanna know hes ok. damn him for running!!!! what the fuck is he thinking?!
now i have another good friend that has relapsed in his schizophrenia behaviors and hes talking real crazy.... his husband doesnt know that he is strong enough to deal with it, after all he just lost his mother and is having a really hard time dealing with it. now they are both jobless and neither of them is willing to get the help they need and they arent helping each other they are both crumbling.... one needs some wellbutrin or something and the other needs inpatient care for a while and some meds.
we got a dog last week and hes perfect for us, hes calm and very grown up.... hes 3 so he doesnt have any puppy left in him, but then yesterday happend..... my wife took him to a friends to play with their 9month old pit/lab, they played last wk and were great with each other and yesterday they fought over a piece of rawhide and my poor jake got his ass kicked.... had to have stitches and everything....with money as tight as it is that really fucked us! and the friends of ours that own the little bitch that attacked jake havent offered to pay any of the vet bill.... really?! thats not right.... maybe i give ppl to much credit or something... r ppl really just that rude? do i create happy ideas of ppl in my head and it really is just every man for himself in every one of lifes situations?!
my wife is tryin 2 got to see her family in illinois on friday and come home monday but we really cant afford it.... i mean really! and she is not thinking about the bills that need to be paid or anything else that we have talked about purchasing she is only thinking of going to see her family.... if i say anything to her it will become a HUGE fight and somehow i will end up the selfish one... she just started a new job and will b makin more money so eventually we should b ok but right now every dollar counts. i wish she would just realize what kind of bind this puts US in.... if she doesnt go this wked she doesnt feel she can go for at least 4-5 months and she hasnt been there since thanksgiving so yes i do want her to go but i wanna go with her too and i couldnt get the wked off.... i work retail and i work on commission so every wked counts. i just hope she has a plan to pay the bills in the next few wks b4 she gets paid..... but how do we have that conversation without gettin into a fight and hating each other?!
i am off work the next 2 days, thank you God! but i cant go see peyton bc we really cant afford to spend the gas money.... i wanna go grocery shopping bc there isnt shit here but we cant afford that either.... so i guess i will b cleaning my lil ass off and taking jake for long walks. which im not complaining about @ all cuz i need the exercise as well....
i wanna get married and we cant even do that.... she thinks we can do it for about 500 which yes we probably can but we dont have it!!! we wont have it for sometime and then it will be too late in the season again and then we cant get married outside and it will cost more.
a rock and a hard place..... i am very familiar with both places it seems.... i know it well, how do i get past it all?! have a lil faith.... be patient.... breathe... calm down.... take it day by day... dont sweat the small stuff... yeah i have heard it all


my heart hurts
my body is tired
my mind is spinning
my veins are pumping
my blood is boiling
take a breath
stay calm
i wanna feel hope
not helpless

i am a happy person, i like my job, i have great friends and family, my wife is everything to me and we have our own family now.... i just gotta stay focused.

oh high school

its been crazy around here a few days.....
so here i am catching up on glee, listening to old music from high school and wishing my wife was here. we were gonna have a nite alone after having company everynight since friday..... and she decided to go play @ a friends house. ehhhh whatever

kurt is back @ mckinley!!!!! hooray. oh as far as my listening to high school music its glees fault....they sang a TLC song! :)
high school brings back so many memories! i can laugh and i can cry all from the same photo!