ok so i got sum mojo back today and started cookin....plan was to have it done so when my wife came home we could eat, well she walks in and says oh shit.... im leaving....goin 2 a friends 2 hang out, didnt have a chance to call ya was toooooooo busy @ work. so i just maxed on sum waffles and eggs by myself thanks you very much!
now im watchin beverly hills fabulous up next glee then perhaps a lil deperate housewives oh and put away laundry of course cuz if i dont it wont happen!
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
road trip
well the weekend with my fav lil man had to come to an end....and the drive home was the hardest ive made yet. i didnt sleep and cried off and on @ work all day.... instead of blogging last nite i wrote my lil heart out!
Sunday, April 24, 2011
first official blog
Welcome friends, i hope u enjoy the reads.... i am a writer when i have somethin 2 say! or more so this is where i can say how i feel and explain things that i cant speak.... and noone can talk back to me, argue, yell.... anyway.... thanks for letting me vent.
when my fiance and i started dating i was a divorced single straight mom and she knew that fully well. 2nite we got into a lil tiff bc she says hes not here 2 c her, hes here for me, this is true.... however she, as my fiance and partner in life should kinda take on the step mom role... or am i wrong? it does hurt me however bc she knows how much i hurt when hes not here and how i think of things we could do 2gether, going on trips, movies, etc and then when he is here shes not. 2day is easter, he was up @ 8, i was up shortly after but then dozed on the couch, she got up @ 11, we started cooking dinner, we ate 2gether... this was all b4 2pm.... then she napped til damn near 6 and when she woke up he was napping and then she wanted to go to a friends..... i was hoping that we could all do something as a family even if its watch a movie (bc my son loves tv too much, his father is a tv junkie) and well now shes gone. like i said we got into a little tiff and she wouldnt talk 2 me about it anymore bc he is here and i need to b with him and not fighting with her....well if there is tension between her and i, it makes things uncomfortable. now hes off to bed and 2mw when he gets up she will b sleeping and then its time 4 him 2 go back 2 daddys until who knows when....(his father has full custody and i work retail based on commission so taking wkeds off is pretty much nonexistant and hes in kindergarten..... so i see him once a wk there for about 4 hours and then holidays that my store is closed....how this happend u ask? bc i dont hve the money 4 an atty and his dad got it from his parents.... its a very painful topic as u can imagine!)
so is it 2 much 2 ask 4 her not 2 go anywhere while hes here without her feeling that shes being held hostage?!
i have so much emotion pouring out of me right now..... im sad, hurt, disappointed, angry, anxious, worried.... idk when she will b home if she will b home. and i know my focus should b on my lil man but its hard when my heart hurts bc of issues with her.
she says i had a shot already @ having a family like i want now, i got divorced so now im living in a dream, oh wait i think she called it a fantasy. so i push her away and make it really hard to b with..... but she knew in the beginning that he was here and she knew in the beginnin
whens the hurt goin 2 stop? when will my heart heal? i miss him so effn much while he is gone. and 2mw when i drop him off i will cry all the way home. sometimes i feel like i live 2 separate lives one as a single mom and one as a wife. idk why i cant b both? and do u know how heartbreaking it is 2 tell a 5year old that his buddy(my fiance) isnt with me to pick him up from school or she left 2 go play w her friends, or shes still in bed bc she has a headache til noon..... am i making any sense? am i crazy?
when my fiance and i started dating i was a divorced single straight mom and she knew that fully well. 2nite we got into a lil tiff bc she says hes not here 2 c her, hes here for me, this is true.... however she, as my fiance and partner in life should kinda take on the step mom role... or am i wrong? it does hurt me however bc she knows how much i hurt when hes not here and how i think of things we could do 2gether, going on trips, movies, etc and then when he is here shes not. 2day is easter, he was up @ 8, i was up shortly after but then dozed on the couch, she got up @ 11, we started cooking dinner, we ate 2gether... this was all b4 2pm.... then she napped til damn near 6 and when she woke up he was napping and then she wanted to go to a friends..... i was hoping that we could all do something as a family even if its watch a movie (bc my son loves tv too much, his father is a tv junkie) and well now shes gone. like i said we got into a little tiff and she wouldnt talk 2 me about it anymore bc he is here and i need to b with him and not fighting with her....well if there is tension between her and i, it makes things uncomfortable. now hes off to bed and 2mw when he gets up she will b sleeping and then its time 4 him 2 go back 2 daddys until who knows when....(his father has full custody and i work retail based on commission so taking wkeds off is pretty much nonexistant and hes in kindergarten..... so i see him once a wk there for about 4 hours and then holidays that my store is closed....how this happend u ask? bc i dont hve the money 4 an atty and his dad got it from his parents.... its a very painful topic as u can imagine!)
so is it 2 much 2 ask 4 her not 2 go anywhere while hes here without her feeling that shes being held hostage?!
i have so much emotion pouring out of me right now..... im sad, hurt, disappointed, angry, anxious, worried.... idk when she will b home if she will b home. and i know my focus should b on my lil man but its hard when my heart hurts bc of issues with her.
she says i had a shot already @ having a family like i want now, i got divorced so now im living in a dream, oh wait i think she called it a fantasy. so i push her away and make it really hard to b with..... but she knew in the beginning that he was here and she knew in the beginnin
whens the hurt goin 2 stop? when will my heart heal? i miss him so effn much while he is gone. and 2mw when i drop him off i will cry all the way home. sometimes i feel like i live 2 separate lives one as a single mom and one as a wife. idk why i cant b both? and do u know how heartbreaking it is 2 tell a 5year old that his buddy(my fiance) isnt with me to pick him up from school or she left 2 go play w her friends, or shes still in bed bc she has a headache til noon..... am i making any sense? am i crazy?
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