Tuesday, November 1, 2011

dont know what youve got til its gone

I dont understand why is she so up n down? maybe meds would b smart but how do i bring this up without a fight?!
i miss her..... i miss the woman that loves me for me, the woman i see the rest of my life with, the woman whom id give my life for...... where are you?
friday andre arrives and he asked how long we have been together? u wink @ me and say it will b 3 yrs in jan. saturday night we are eating and talking about going to toronto.... we can get married there you say oh yeah.... later that eve you tell me to meet u in the bedroom and then make out with me. sunday i got to work for an hour and u text me to ask how its going i said im on my way you say good cuz i was missing you, i get home we cuddle on the couch, lay in bed for a bit then andre is up so i get up and you go back to bed i go in a lil bit later to check on you and u say you were masterbating (well trying was the word) but u stopped cuz you had to sneeze, sunday night as we are sitting on the bed smoking i say something about joe wanting to get a piece and you say something like im sure hes not the only one and i said oh i dont even have high hopes anymore. then moments later you say well this may not b the best time but i have to tell you bc im honest with you..... i dont feel attracted to you anymore. i think youre beautiful and i love you but this is how i feel. im down and depressed about my fam and money and etc. i am still speechless......... why are u mind fucking me?! can u plz see my perspective?!
im gettin to fuckin old for this shit....
why are u so on and off?!
i cant do this..... it fucking hearts and its slowly killing me.
what if i go? what if u finally realize u fucked up? u lost the best thing that ever happend to you? you lost ur best friend, soulmate, partner? no matter how much you hurt me i never ever ever could treat you this way. to tell u one thing and do another. to love you for 5 minutes and then not wanna look at you. i am still always attracted to you, i still love you.... regardless. uncondtional love..... its all ive ever felt for you. but u keep changing your mind.
how can you love me, find me beautiful, wanna be with me but not find me attractive? too not wanna make love to me? and well i have a need that is not being met.... im not your partner to be your roomate im your partner bc i wanna be with you, i wanna have intimacy, sex, love, affection..... if you cant meet the sexual needs i have do i find someone who will?
no this is not about sex..... this is about u and my side of the story..... idk how to mask these thoughts.
i miss you and i want my woman back. my baby, my love. my heart. my life.
ive searched my whole life to find you and now youre not in it.....

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